i’m visiting my grandma. mom calls with some bad news. i tell grandma said bad news. grandma tells me i’m wasting my parents money and destined for a career at walmart. but she’s only saying this cuz she loves me. then she feeds me biscuits and sausage gravy.
i manage to make it the entire day, surrounded by aunts and uncles and hamburgers and hot dogs and 5-year-old twin boys climbing the fig tree and saying the darnedest things before i drive the hour back to my apartment. but the hour turns into an hour forty five because i have to go right through charlotte and its race weekend and speed street and i consider exiting and getting drunk with the rest of the nascar fans but i don’t.
i detour once to cookout for a peanut butter fudge milkshake because peanut butter and fudge and ice cream have healing qualities. and then i call my mom, cuz i can’t take it anymore. i spill everything grandma said to me in a flurry of heaves and sobs and she says exactly what i knew she’d say.
and that’s why i love my mom. because in one command, she refuted every word my grandma said. i’m not, she assures me, wasting anybody’s money, nor am i going to work at walmart for the rest of my life (of course not, i say. i applied there and they didn’t hire me). hush.
i thank God everyday for my mom and my dad and their ability to support me financially, spiritually, emotionally. they don’t have to pay for college, but they want to. they don’t have to pay for my apartment or my groceries or my addiction to chik-fil-a but they do. and they will, until i can get on my feet enough to support myself. because, amie, hush, we love you.
as for the rest of the weekend, well, i also thank God for wonderful friends like abbey who use coupons and gift cards to olive garden on me and then cry over the vow with me and then stay up past midnight with me just talking.
but now. now it is time for bed. i just want to forget a lot of things and focus on now, which is passing this stats class with flying colors and planning a trip to visit emma next month and and planning to make the trek home to virginia (and deciding how long to stay, not too long, not too short. enough to appease my father).
well, i hope you didn’t read all this. i wrote way more than i intended. sometimes, when i’m all caught up in the busyness of life, i forget how healing and comforting just penning (or typing) my thoughts can be.
I wish we said “fancy” in America. As in, “I fancy you.” It’s such a more agreeable term than “I have a crush on you.” What’s a crush? Like, I AM A BOA CONSTRICTOR AND I AM GOING TO IMMOBILIZE YOU WITH MY MISPLACED AND OBSESSIVE AFFECTION. “I fancy you” is like, you’re so shiny and glittery and I just want to put you on a shelf and look at you for a while ‘cause you’re fancy.
emma, you were living in california with seanne and i came to surprise you but when i got there i didn’t know where you were, so i texted you “guess where i ammmmm!” like twenty times and after every time you would only answer with a random fact or telling me you wanted ice cream so i finally just gave up and went to mcdonalds, where i ran into Darren Criss. he bought me a mcdouble and said he wanted to date me then took me around LA and made sure every paparazzi saw us together. emma, i never did find you cuz you wouldn’t text me baaaaaack.
“It turns out, by episode’s end, that the most important entity in this universe is not the New Directions, but Rachel Berry. I still can’t believe that “Goodbye” didn’t end with the glee club in a group number. How could it not? It’s perhaps the easiest thing to check off a “series finale” to-do list. But instead, in an astounding lack of clarity by the writers, everything wrapped up with Rachel Berry, who, having postponed her dreams, was literally forced on a train to pursue her future. This is a show about misfits in Lima, and it ended in New York City with Rachel leading her own cliché musical number. Since when was this show The Rachel Berry Show? I love (some version of) Rachel, and I am 100% okay with considering her a main character - if not the main character. She is an emotional focal point, and there is little to argue there. However. This whole show is not her story alone. This story is about the New Directions. Marginalizing everyone else so that Rachel could have her big moment in New York City is beyond insulting. It’s a slap in the face, really.”—